matrimony

December 2024

I got engaged recently :) and keep getting asked the question of how I knew he was the one. My answer is simple: he saw me fully from the beginning, made me feel deeply safe, our dynamic felt like play, and I truly believe he’s the best person I know.

Love has changed me a lot. I used to be an incessant ruminator, convinced I could create the outcomes I wanted if I just plotted and planned the world (and more accurately, myself) into submission. The past few years have been a process of learning to trust and nesting in myself. Lesson #1 was learned over our first dinner. I’d never felt so ambiently accepted before — a special sort of admiration without possessiveness. That acceptance then morphed into mutual adoration, followed shortly thereafter by complete love. He showed me that he didn’t want to own me by helping me see all the ways I was the one trapping myself. All of our “steps forward” didn’t feel like steps at all — we were already there, just now with a label applied.

I’m afraid I can’t offer much concrete advice on love. Marry your best friend? Translate your mind to the internet and always answer thoughtful DMs? Maybe just this: becoming the most specific, shamelessly you version of yourself by being around someone else and their experiencing the same is something well-worth waiting for.

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Links

• Powerhouse by James Andrew Miller (book)
  If you’re like me and come at this topic more from the angle of being curious about CAA’s early culture, I think this read is better than the more popular Michael Ovitz book. The inverse of this industry domination story is perhaps Selling Sexy by Fernandez and Sherman (on the rise and fall of Victoria’s Secret).

• Didion and Babitz by Lili Anolik (book)
  I’ve been reading way more books than blogs lately and it’s largely because there are character study stories (like this one) that would be done a great disservice by summarization.

• Impro by Keith Johnstone (book)
  An incredibly dense book by the father of the "yes and” mindset (review here).

• The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron (book)
  Part therapy and part creative coach — this book is just as good as everyone says.

• Liquid vs. illiquid careers by vaishnav92 (essay)
  I always thought it was strange to let anyone else, much less a job, dictate what skills I should be focused on developing. Nowadays I frame it to myself as: for me to get better at any skill I’m not interested in, doing so needs to in turn unlock my ability to focus more of my time on the things I actually do want to get better at.

• How feminism ends by Ginevra Davis (essay)
  My favorite part of this is the beginning’s vivid description of what it can feel like to occupy a female body.

• Rejection isn’t personal by Heather Havrilesky (essay)
  A very good pep talk in written form.

• Birthday letters by Evana (essay)
  I loved how this piece was structured — the wisdom of a crowd of writer’s words.

• Siqi Chen on pitching (video)
  Siqi is a master at this and gives great explanations of many of the more counterintuitive fundraising social dynamics and dances.

• When You’re Near by Quinn Oulton (song)
  This song feels like a hug!

• The Moosewood and Tassajara Cookbooks (recipes)
  I’ve been getting back into baking and these two cookbooks are my bibles (and a clear sign I was raised by total hippies lol). No one ever suspects either are veggie!

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Parting thought

What can I do but be a cat? Perfectly and unselfconsciously a cat. Thank god for the miracles showered on me.

— “Are you Somebody?” by Nuala O'Faolain