Nothing has caused a bigger shift in how I feel about my friendships than marriage. Planning a wedding is a massive forcing function to both clarify who your true friends are and immediately ask them to do big things for you (like fly to the other side of the world). I realize now that asking for big things was exactly what I needed to do to gain a great deal more confidence in the community of wonderful people who love me.
Friendship has historically been a big area of anxiety for me, mostly because a) I didn’t have many authentic friendships growing up, b) I’m in an industry where the term “friend” has no meaning at all, and c) it took me a long time to learn the difference between a few good chats with someone (excitable, often unearned intimacy) and true friendship (requires effort, not without friction). I’ve consistently shied away testing the depth of my relationships for fear of judgment or rejection.
It’s strange to realize how my past confusion about relationships directly benefited my career — motivating me to mine my brain for thoughts to share with strangers and maintain loose ties with powerful people for no real reason other than the attention. What I craved at the time was a group of people who loved me, but it took me many years to realize this, much less find it. I’m very lucky to have this now, and know it.
We’re getting married in two days (part one of two ceremonies). I’ve been listening to this song on repeat and feeling every emotion under the sun. I’m incredibly excited and also totally terrified. It scares me to my core to lean on anyone else for fear of their growing to resent me for it over time, yet I continue to lean all the same. Tom was the first person to show me that this was possible. My friends followed shortly after. A recurring thought: I hope I never take this stable, rooted sort of love for granted.
Links
Interview with Hunter Walk
My friend Hunter asked me a few questions and I answered :)Bill Gates by Walter Isaacson (interview)
Honestly just impressed by Bill’s funky and fun rebrand.Neil Mehta profile (profile)
The ever-elusive man behind Greenoaks — he strikes me as the epitome of the “finance bro with a dash of Engelbart” archetype.Building a seed stage venture firm by Roger Ehrenberg (guide)
The best high-level firm-building blueprint I’ve come across.Would you rather have married young? by Lillian Fishman (essay)
Predictably, I liked this a lot. It prompted me to reread Sally Rooney’s third book, which stands up! Good exploration of the choices young people face in modern relationships today.Critics, fans, and subjects with Tavi Gevinson by Rayne Fisher-Quann (interview)
Fav tid bit is this quote by Tina Fey: “Authenticity is dangerous and expensive.” Also in this corner of the internet: Lena Dunham has a Substack now.The Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis (essay)
An antidote to competitive striving culture.Sandy Liang’s Normal People Ireland guide (guide)
As a part-time Ireland travel guide right now, I highly rec this guide for the girls.Saturday Night by Jason Reitman (film)
Frenetic and funny, puts you in the room with them. More interesting backstory on the SNL audition room here.2000 by Joey Bada$$ (album)
This album feels like it transports you to another space and time.
Parting thought
“How to not be a perfectionist:
People are vivid
and small
and don’t live
very long”
This was also major revelation for me: 'I'm in an industry where the term "friend" has no meaning at all.'
When I was explaining to my Irish boyfriend that my friend was coming to visit Dublin, he asked, 'Is everyone your friend if you like them?' And I replied, 'Yes...'
Then I realized this wasn't helpful for him to understand the distinctions—who had been a core friend for years versus a work acquaintance versus someone I'd met once and thought was cool. Our different cultural understandings of friendship created confusion, and I had to redefine 'friend' in my mind.
I wonder if some of the confusion started with the introduction of Facebook twenty years ago when all 'friendship' required was a click of a button and suddenly they were in your friends list.
congrats Molly!